Right away this song grabs me, like unexpectedly running into an old friend on the street, like I’ve known it forever. Then, Ciara spells her name into his ear... DAMN. I think we can all tell who's wearing the pants here... and then the meaning hits me and – YES! Sure enough, I grasp for a feminist moral. For liberation from the meek female role! A universal call to throw off the chains of the patriarchy… and make someone cry?
HOLD UP. What are the rules/roles anyway?
It’s a question that’s been on my mind lately, having recently received two books from an aunt: "Getting To 'I Do,' the Secret to Doing Relationships Right;" and "Dating, Mating and Manhandling: the Ornithological Guide to Men." (is she trying to make some kind of point?). After my initial indignation, I was sucked in, fascinated with the happy ending these authors guarantee if you adopt a few simple rules - in short: "play your role!"
I mean, I know there's a lot of research and writing out there about this and I don't pretend to be any kind of expert on gender roles and the history of human mating habits (this is a blog about SONGS!). But I am skeptical of anything that reduces love and happiness to a power play, or a simple combination of techniques. Aside from the blinding sexist / heteronormative (yea I said it) assumptions inherent in positions like this, I’m still open to the possibility of role specifications playing a part in relationships.
That said, I don’t think Ciara is fully taking advantage of the perks she might be afforded if she were “Like a Boy” – i.e. fast and easy urination. I mean, anyone could “have a thing on the side” right? I don’t know what world Ciara (or her lyricist) is living in, but even if you’re going to play along with all those terribly traditional rules, I don’t think lying and cheating fall neatly into one camp.
All that said, I can still somehow relate. If you’ve been hurt, you want to throw it all back in his face. And somehow this catchy song captures the struggle while making me bob my head. So many vivid details! And the chopped-and-screwed male voice is a perfect embodiment of the collective asshole. (If it were called "Like an Asshole " I would have no argument. Maybe it's supposed to be in opposition to being "Like a Man"?) Then the blending of his voice with Ciara for the refrain “Whatchu mad, can’t handle that?” really mixes things up and blends the roles. All in all it's a vengeful song, an angry turning of the tables, and yet the video ends with Ciara kissing him on the cheek, a sweet, peace-making act. I guess she just wants to teach him a lesson. And we’re not post-feminism yet!
4 comments:
Okay, for starters, two points before I get to what I don't know. First, to quote: I mean, I know there's a lot of research and writing out there about this and I don't pretend to be any kind of expert on gender roles and the history of human mating habits (this is a blog about SONGS!).
My response: Hah! This is a blog "about songs" like The Great Gatsby is a novel about a car wreck. The songs are the excuse for writing about the variety of life and the thing that drives it more than most things, love.
Second: dunno nothing about said book, but the use of "manhandling" in the title gets titters from 12 year old boys of all ages (including this one).
Now I don't know Ciara from Cialis, but I do know that, to me, feminism never meant that women could behave like men, but rather they could behave the way they wanted to without the burdens of expectation (or opprobrium) from a society that at its worst demeans them and even at its best patronizes them. Gender roles, such as they are, are in most ways societal constructions. Just because individual societies may have developed similar roles doesn't make them innate or intrinsic. The long and the short of it is is that if you play by the rules you'll get someone who plays by the rules. And really, who wants that? Okay, I'll concede many do, but surely there are plenty who don't. Love is at least partly about fantasy and ecstasy and following rules rarely, if ever, leads to those places. And furthermore, since autonomy is the greatest gift that we are given as people born into privilege (that is to say, we have time and means to contemplate such navel-gazing topics as this), who wants someone who stuffs themself into a role and expects you to do the same? But all in all making someone want to cry over you goes hand in hand with being in love (or maybe more aptly being out of love) and is not a gendered instinct. As Dinosaur Jr regretfully sings "I like to think she cried for me, I don't think so."
thanks B, I can always count on you for a thoughtful comment...
I guess you might be right about making someone cry- it being an acceptable and universal goal. huh.
also, from EJM http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/08/dining/08gend.html?ei=5070&emc=eta1
P.S. please comment people!
“And the chopped-and-screwed male voice is a perfect embodiment of the collective asshole”-- 2 True, Elf!
Is that the real POINT (well, should be,) of the chopped /screwed effect? To convey through wicked, dark club anthems the wacked out, nonsensical voice that has perfected the infliction of irritation like violence, has found a way to translate love/sex messages into an indecipherable enemy drawl?
that tone, capable of instilling and igniting rage and fury --surely alien speak--foreign because it just never gets the pain of the protagonist (lead voice?) - never does - like in cartoonish parodies where only jibberish comes out of betrayer's stupid gaping grin.
what about beyonce's "If I were a boy" ? and MORE importantly what about the recent tendency to merging it with alanis's "you oughta know"?? these are pressing matters! and i find have no comment.
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